Psychotherapist London
Thinking & Writing
On psychotherapy, the inner life, and the work of change.
Borderline Personality Disorder: The Truth, the Difficulty, and the Hope
More than twenty-five years ago, when I was becoming a psychotherapist, one of my supervisors gave me this advice: you should have one borderline patient in …
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Men Need Men: Competition, Initiation and the Boys in Men's Bodies
Men live, most of their lives, in a fear they rarely name: the fear of being discovered less than. Less strong, less clever, less successful, less of a man, …
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Narcissistic Abuse: The Hold, the Victim, and the Way Out
Let me begin with the caution, because it has become necessary. Not every difficult person is a narcissist. I receive many women, and men, who arrive in my …
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The Highly Sensitive Person: An Invaded Strength, and How to Inhabit It
A woman came to see me and said: during COVID, I felt normal. I no longer had to leave my house, to be invaded by sound, to be overwhelmed by emotion. That …
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The Imposter: Why the Most Successful Feel the Most Fraudulent
Let me begin with the observation that undoes the whole popular picture of imposter syndrome. The people who sit in my consulting room feeling like frauds are …
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The Affair as Symptom: What Infidelity Is Really Saying
When a couple comes into my consulting room after an affair, they usually arrive believing they know what has happened: one of them has done a terrible thing to …
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The Church of Self-Hatred
Thirty years ago, the gym barely existed as it does now. You trained as a complement to a real sport: your legs for football, your arms for karate. The gym was …
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The Coach and the Analyst: Why Executive Coaching Barely Scratches the Surface
The people who come to me for executive coaching in London, from the City, from Canary Wharf, from the funds and firms of Mayfair and St James’s, are, almost …
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The Functioning Alcoholic: When Success Becomes the Mask
Everyone sometimes drinks too much, or for too long. That is not the question. The red flag is when the consequences begin to pile up, professional, relational, …
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